#Be Inspired by She Heals- Between Us -Usurper

September 3, 2020

Five of my dear friends, Nsikan, Itodo, Agatha, Grace and Victoria get together with me and between us, we dissect the trend of young guys relying on women to pay their bills. is it right? should a woman support her man whether they are married or not? should a man be a house husband? who should stay home for the first 5 years of the child’s life? why is it okay for a woman to depend on a man but not the other way round? So many questions, very interesting and diverse opinions. Join us as we share and you listen and learn.

I TESTIFY..

August 29, 2020

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As we mentioned yesterday, we received several messages asking us to post testimonies that have changed life’s and would be a blessing to someone going through similar circumstances. God Almighty will give you an amazing testimony. Please send us your testimonies as a message. NAMES WILL BE WITHHELD AT YOUR REQUEST.
Mathew 10:32
‘’So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven’’.
Here is a testimony of Gods grace:

Dear she heals,
Please publish my testimony, you can include my name. My name is Kemi Adebayo, I am 38 years old. I graduated from the university 14 years ago and since then I have been trying to get someone to get married to. I have had 4 broken engagements. It got to a stage my parents said I should go to a white garment church and get my head washed, maybe the evil spirits delaying my husband to be, will leave me alone. I have washed my head, slept on a mountain for 7 days, fasted and prayed for so long, gone on blind dates, I cannot even recollect how many times. My parents humiliated me, so did my friends. I would have loved to move out of my parents’ house but I didn’t have a well-paid job. Then a miracle happened,
I made a decision, to let God take charge, I stopped worrying and behaving like a desperate person. Just a few months after, I attended a friend’s 40th birthday party, sat next to this nice young man, everyone who sat on our table gisted, laughed and had fun all evening. The party went on into the late hours of the morning, when it was time to leave, my friend asked the nice young man to please drop me off at home. On the way we talked about life and politics. When we got to the front of my house he asked if he could see me again, I was a bit hesitant but I said yes.

Thank God I did, one thing led to another, today, we have been happily married for a year and am already expecting our first baby. I sent this testimony from Holland, we relocated there about 4 months ago. He is a citizen, his mother is from Holland and his father is Nigerian. I pray for all the ladies out there who are currently being humiliated or feel like it’s never going to happen for them, please hold on to God , he hasn’t forgotten you. Don’t give up, your Joy will surely come. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this.

HERE COMES YOUR MIRACLE.

August 19, 2020

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GOOD MORNING BELOVED,

Welcome to the day God has made, you will rejoice in it and be glad. No one can take the grace of God from you. You will never fade away, God’s love is going to shine through you every minute, every hour, every day. Isaiah 40v31 “Those who trust in the lord, shall renew their strength, you will soar on wings like eagles, you will run and not be weary, you will walk and not faint.

DO YOU KNOW GOD ALMIGHTY IS IN CONTROL, EVEN WHEN YOUR PLANS STALL?

There are certain dead end words in life, including unemployment, poverty, divorce, bankruptcy, sickness, rejection, Hopelessness, not married, no child.

How do you know you are at a dead end? You know it when things go out of control and you can’t do anything about it.

When you are stuck here, and waiting for deliverance and a breakthrough, you need to remember that God can do all things. The situation may be out of your control but it is not out of God’s control.

When you face dead end, don’t focus on what you cannot do, focus on what God can do.

Romans 4v17 says “When Abraham believed in the God that can bring the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing”. There are two things God does that you do not do,

He can give life to the dead
He can create something out of nothing.

If he can give life to the dead, he can surely give life to a dead career, a dead dream, a diagnosed sickness, unemployment, he can bring life to that financial dead end, that childless situation, he can give life to your request for a life partner or whatever you are waiting on him for.

It wasn’t just POSITIVE THINKING that Abraham believed in Positive thinking is good but it is not faith.

They are two different things.

Positive thinking works fine in situations you have control over.

But in situations that are out of your control, positive thinking is worthless. It’s just wishful thinking.

When you face things that are out of your control, you need something more than positive mental attitude. You need FAITH in God, because he can control it when you can’t. Most of life is beyond our control, so you need faith far more than you need positive thinking. Luke 18v27”What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

God specializes in impossible. It’s called a miracle and he will do it in your life. He will definitely turn your dead end into deliverance.

So dearly beloved, trust in God, keep the faith, God is able to do all that we trust him for.

Have a blessed weekend, remember keep being a blessing and making a difference.

Love you

She heals

By She Heals and Devotional ”Gods dream for your life”

Solution to Anger

August 18, 2020

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I have come to realize that it can be challenging to communicate with individuals who are quick to anger, talk down to you, or shift blame onto you. In situations where you may respond unexpectedly or choose not to respond at all, it can be even more difficult to engage with them.

Allow me to illustrate this point with a short story. One of my staff members, a lady, arrived at work one Friday morning with puffy eyes indicating that she had been crying. Concerned, I asked her what was wrong, to which she replied that it was nothing she couldn’t handle. However, after some gentle prodding, she shared that she was tired of her husband’s constant complaints and criticism. The previous night, he had become irate when his meal didn’t meet his expectations and had flung his plate at her. This had escalated into a heated argument, and they were still not speaking to each other that morning. She expressed her weariness and uncertainty about how much more she could take.

I offered her a solution, which she initially resisted, but eventually agreed to try. I suggested that the next time her husband became angry and started yelling, she should calmly apologize and see what happens. On Monday, she returned to work with a beaming smile and excitedly recounted how this simple strategy had worked wonders.

Her husband down for breakfast that morning and started complaining about the eggs being cold and all. So she approached the table and said, “I’m sorry. Let me make you new eggs.” He immediately snapped back, “What do you mean you’re sorry? Say something. Sorry for what?” She apologized again and walked away. He grew angrier and chased after her, yelling, “Aren’t you going to reply? Cat got your tongue?” After a few moments of silence, he muttered, “Hmm, okay. Well, hurry up,” and left the kitchen. She made new eggs and placed them on the table before heading to her room. However, he grabbed her and pulled her back, saying, “Sit down, my love. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. Please forgive me. Can we start again? I promise not to shout or talk down to you again.”

This story teaches us that one of the most effective ways to combat anger is patience. It is essential to strive to have a spirit of patience and to pray for it. By remaining calm and responding with kindness, we can often defuse volatile situations and achieve more peaceful outcomes.

I hope this reflection will be a blessing to you, and I invite you to share your own experiences and insights in the comments section below. May God bless you.

Image from Freepik.

AM SORRY MY LOVE .PART 1

August 17, 2020

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Toke looked at herself in the mirror , wondered why her husband was always complaining . Fine, she used to be a size 10 but now she was size 16 , “so what ? that was allowed , besides I have had 3 children , it’s no joke you know “, she thought to herself .

She and Larry had just had another heated argument , he complained of Toke letting herself go, since she started having children , ” you don’t take care of yourself anymore , when I leave home in the morning you are in a wrapper , hair net , face mask , when I get back, you have changed into the same things , weekends you are in your pyjamas all day , using the children as an excuse for not having a bath, I don’t get to see you dressed up or looking attractive , do some thing about it or else .” ” Or else what ” Toke had screamed repeatedly at Larry, as he walked out of the room , ” what are you going to do ?, this is how you married me , take it or leave it ” , she continued to shout at the top of her lungs . Larry just ignored her , picked up his car key and drove out .

What Toke failed to realise was that Larry was struggling with his self control, he worked in an advertising agency office where he was surrounded by models everyday, majority of the staff were also young women in their 20’s , looked great and smelled great . To make matters worse he was in charge of model recruitment and welfare.
Most of his married colleagues were already dating some of the ladies but he was determined not to join them .

He kept on driving for a while, his thoughts focused on what else he could do to motivate His wife to look good . He had tried buying her pretty lingerie , designer clothes , perfumes , and so on , but nothing seemed to help she just took them, said thank you and would not even try them on. He tried registering them both in a gym, she went with him for 2 weekends and after that she wouldn’t go with him anymore. He even suggested that an instructor come to the house, weekends, to take her through some light exercises , his wife paid off the instructor and asked her not to bother coming back . She was just not interested in making an effort , was Larry’s conclusion.

He remembered this one occasion especially, it was Valentine’s Day, he had gotten her a lovely red lace lingerie, top and bottom, gift wrapped, with a very expensive bottle of perfume attached to it , he booked a hotel for the night, called ahead to tell Toke he was taking her out for the night. When he got home his wife was fast asleep in the kids room with her wrapper and face mask on. He tried waking her up, she just rolled over and complained that all her body ached , she didn’t know he was serious about taking her out, she cooked, ate and was too full to go anywhere now. Larry was so disappointed , that night he checked into the hotel alone ,ordered a bottle of wine and drank himself to sleep.

Just then he looked up and saw he was around the corner from his Pastor’s house, he decided to stopover and see him. He drove to the front of the Pastor’s gate, switched off the engine and cast his mind back on the day he saw Toke for the first time. She was 18 , in her second year in university, he had come back for his masters programme . Driving into the campus gate, he saw Toke struggling with her suitcase , the case seemed bigger than her , he stared at her for a while , she was beautiful, well dressed and looked so innocent . He stopped offered to help but she declined . That day as he drove off, he vowed that this was to be his wife , he couldn’t explain why, but he just had this special feeling for her, it was love at first sight.

After months of toasting, she finally agreed to date him . They were perfect together, she was full of life , they had so much in common, love of classical music, salsa dancing , movies , swimming and traveling. As soon as Toke graduated , they had gotten married, that was 13 years ago ……, Just then a tap on his car window jolted him out of his day dreaming , it was his Pastor.

He sat down with the pastor and his wife in their living room and began to narrate his ordeal , they listened to him and said nothing , his frustration was clear, as he narrated each scenario. Once he was done the pastor said , you both need to come for marriage counselling . Larry thanked them , got up and walked out of the house, as far as he was concerned , this was more than marriage counselling could fix , he was going to find a solution to it himself ………

MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO BE. (2)

July 31, 2020

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Marriage is meant to be a love story, played out by 2 main characters and some sub characters (family, children , friends etc) , but sometimes the main characters are more than 2 , sometimes they are 3. In this context we will use a marriage between a man , wife and his mistress or her mister.
Marriage is meant to be for better or worse in all aspects but as we all know it doesn’t always pan out like that, once the love story begins external factors creep in to dictate the way the story goes.

One of the scenes that crops up in the story is extra marital affairs. Now often times when you ask the partner why the they have stepped out on their partner it often relates around these most common excuses sex, money, loneliness, selfishness, lack of contentment , no or not enough children or extended family influence and newly obtained status. ( in the context of this conversation we will call the partner that step out PSO)

For the sake of this narrative we will take them one at a time and try to look at the issues from both sides

A while back we looked at the excuse -STATUS , today we look at EXTENDED FAMILY INFLUENCE

EXTENDED FAMILY INFLUENCE – extended family can be defined as parents, siblings , grand parents , cousins and other blood relations , close friends also fall into this category . The person who steps out (PSO ) sometimes feels that advice from theses group of people are more valuable than that of their partner .

One of those in favour says

“My mother comes first when it comes to what’s good for me. She brought me into this world, nurtured me and took care of me when my Dad died at a young age. She sold everything possible and worked liked a slave just to make sure i had a roof over my head and food on the table.

My wife , whom I love dearly , unfortunately doesn’t get along with my mother , her problem is am too close to my Mum, so she sees her as a rival. My wife doesn’t call, take care or even visit my mum with the grand children for months and months . When my mum comes over my wife’s actions towards her show that she wants her out as soon as possible . My mum has always been an independent women , but now she’s getting older, she needs someone to care for her, mind you my Mum doesn’t live with us, I bought her a bungalow and pay a maid to look after her , she had always prayed before I got married that my wife will be her daughter especially since I am an only child.

Due to all this my mother has advised me to please marry a ‘small girl’ that would love her and take care of her . I eventually met a girl whom I introduced to my mum once , she immediately fell in love with my mum, she’s training to be a nurse, visits my mum every weekend , goes to check up on her , buys her stuff and even spends the night with her sometimes. This has made my mum so happy and she’s looking better everyday.
I am seriously considering moving her up from mistress status to second wife status, the woman doesn’t mind. If only for my moms sake”

Another one in favour says –

“My husband and I got married when we were in our early 20’s , we started our lives together , had 2 children , we both had good jobs until all of a sudden, due to down sizing my husband was made redundant. I still had my job and on all levels it was a well paid one but We couldn’t afford to keep two cars .

I decided to allow my husband drive the one car we had , he would drop me off in the morning I would come home with the staff bus or get a taxi . One day I missed the staff bus and was waiting for a taxi, one of my very close childhood friends met me at the bus stop and was surprised to see me there since she knew I had a car, she gave me a ride home . On the way home I explained the situation to her , she didn’t say anything but asked if we could hang out that weekend .

She picked me up at the weekend and wasn’t very happy that I gave my car to my husband , she even kept asking if I also gave him money , to which I answered no, the truth is he had my ATM card and controlled my account . We hung out a few times , and then on one of our outings we ran into an old school mate of ours who had just relocated back to the country . He was looking good and looked like he had done extremely well for himself. Immediately he asked us to join him for lunch , I declined, my friend accepted , eventually we both took a rain check, did I mention my friend is also married but her hubby was on a one year sabbatical abroad .
Anyway she gave him her no and he kept calling asking for us to have lunch with him, my friend pressurised me for a long time but I still said no. Then one weekend she asked me to come over to her place , when I got there he was there , I acted matured and sat down, to cut the long story short he said he wants to start taking care of me, to proof his point he gave me a cheque of a large amount of money, I declined , he insisted , I accepted . From then on it became a regular occurrence.
I slowly began to fall in love with him, saw him as the one taking care of my needs, I could buy the things I wanted, at the same time take care of the house hold bills I even bought things for my husband , changed the house furniture , bought a new car, all this time my husband hadn’t found a job, he seemed satisfied with the money I was bringing in, when he asked I told him I got a pay rise at work and due to this I have to also work longer hours and some weekends which gave me time to meet with my affair.

The consequences , the closer I got to the guy , I started getting irritated with my husband, stayed out longer , did so many things I didn’t do before , even got my salary paid into a different account so my husband won’t have access. I doled out money to him every Monday like a child , I was in charge , I even expected him to do some chores around the house .
Eventually I succumbed to my friends advances and started a full fledge affair with the guy. My husband trusted me so he never suspected anything”

One of those against says-

“My wife and I got married as school sweet hearts , we had dated in Uni for 3 years , as soon as we were done we both went abroad for our masters , spent a couple of years working then came back to our country to get married.

We had been married for 5 years and we still didn’t have children. Most of the pressure came from my female siblings. My immediate younger sister kept bringing her friends to the house and asking me if I liked this one or that one, she would even ask me to drop her at a friend’s house and ask me to come in to meet them, I kept resisting .

One day I came home and found my wife and her suitcases outside the gate , my 3 sisters had packed her bags and accused her of being barren and trying to ruin their brother’s life , I was livid , I took her things inside and immediately banned them from coming to my house, my wife didn’t like that but I insisted , now I have peace , God soon blessed us with a beautiful baby girl in his own time and now my wife and my sisters are best fiends”

Another one of those against-

“I have four friends , we grew up together, went to the same schools even set up a company together we are doing really well and are all married . We got married within 3 years of each other, I was the second person to get married , we have all been married for less than 5 years .

My friends and I love the good life we work and play hard, we dress extremely well , designers top to toe, drive very luxuries cars and jeeps , travel around the world and have a lot of disposable cash, we could literally have any woman we wanted and we did. Well I did before I got married , my friends still do , even though they are married they feel money without lots of women hanging on your shoulder is not living the good life. That has been one of their major beefs with me, they don’t understand why I can’t eat my cake and have it but I don’t want too, am happy with my wife.

I take her out all the time, buy her gifts , travel with her even on business trips to avoid temptation. One ugly day, my wife was out-of-town visiting her parents, my friends tried to set me up, they organised a small get together in a luxury suite of a hotel, drinks were flowing and we each had rooms When it was time to go to bed , I was a bit tipsy, I got to my room the lights were off, I didn’t suspect anything, took off my clothes jumped in bed , the next thing I knew I felt a naked body cuddle up to me, the speed at which I jumped out of bed all the alcohol cleared from my eyes one time, I put on the light , she was stack naked, beautiful with amazing breast but I was able to put on my trousers run down to reception and ask for a new room.

In the morning my friends didn’t find it funny when the girl narrated what happened but there and then they agreed to stop trying to force women on me.. To be honest it took all my will power and I thank God I wasn’t too drunk to resist, since then I only drink a glass of wine when I go out with the guys, prevention is better than cure “

WHO ARE YOU ?

July 15, 2020

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WHO ARE YOU?

Are you that person who is always critical, never sees anything good in what someone else does, always criticizing others?

You can’t be happy for someone else’s success, discovery or victory?

You loathe people who do well, have money or are successful?

Are you the one who picks on people you think are weak, just to make yourself feel better?

You Abuse, degrade, humiliate anyone who crosses your path?

You envy someone else because you feel they are always getting the attention you deserve?

You’re always getting in a quarrel or fight because you feel no one respects you, people look down on you?

Are You the one who writes nasty comments on someone’s page, photo or story on Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram twitter or any other social media page. You do this because you say to yourself, what’s making this one happy? What’s happened to him or her that hasn’t happened to someone else before?

Or are you the one who never likes or loves a picture because you can’t stand to see someone happy? How can she have a man and I don’t, I need to make her lose the man. I need to make the girl leave him you say. Why does he have to be happy and am not? What can I come up with, maybe tell a lie, and discourage him or her so they separate? Set him or her up, maybe that’s better? Yes. That’s what I need to do if I can’t have him or her, no one can

I’m miserable, so No one should be happy. I can’t stand to see them happy. Am bitter, Am sad, I hate myself, why am I still here? , you say

DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN ANY OF THIS DESCRIPTIONS? IF YOU DO, IT’S TIME TO CHANGE

The truth is everyone can change, if you haven’t changed you just haven’t found the right motivation. Motivation can come as a person, word, circumstance, and rule or just when you realize that you need to change. For example:

Everyone pleads with a drunkard to stop drinking or he will kill himself, but he says he will never stop drinking and smoking. Then one day he collapses and is rushed to the hospital. The doctor examines him and say, “your liver is almost destroyed, one more drink and you could die”. The motivation here is the fear of dying, so the man stops drinking.

A lot of the time, God gives so many the grace to change. Some rely on time and change themselves eventually. For the rest, who refuse to change when they could, and then its too late and the questions becomes; if only.

Change can be the best way to a happier, more fulfilled life.

Now for those who want to be happy and live a fulfilled life, here are a few things that would help;

Accept who you are, stop thinking about things you don’t have and focus on those you do. Stop saying “if only I look this way or have that car, or live in this place or have plenty of money or marry that person, I would be happy”
Remember, what you have, where you grew up, who your parents are, what you wear, the way you look or speak, DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE.
Most of you have heard the saying “You get what you give?” Just Love yourself and people will too.
Stop obsessing you are so obsessed with the things you don’t have that you are never happy or satisfied with what you have and too blind to see the new opportunities open for you. That’s got to stop and your life will be less stressful.
Take time to look around, thank God for all the beauty around. Waking up in the morning, as I always say, that’s priceless. Learn to appreciate all you have, it could be worse. Remember the story of the man who had just one pair of shoes, he mourned and complained until he found a man with no shoes. The man with no shoes mourned and complained until he found a man with no legs. That’s life, God always gives us something to be thankful for.
Gratitude is key, always be grateful for what you have, being ungrateful turns you into a bitter, cynical person, rather than a happy, optimistic one. Be thankful for every single thing. You can recite this chorus every day, it should help. “Count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done”.
Don’t take everything to heart, analyzing everything, trying to find a reason for it happening, blaming your friends, evil forces from the village etc., will only make you paranoid and make your life complicated.
Be optimistic, see the positive side of everything happening around you. “It could be worse”, is what I say when situations that try to shake me come.
Stop being afraid, it’s a natural reaction to uncertain circumstances that befall us, but remember it starts with the way you think. Failure, disappointments and uncertainty help us to grow and do things differently and we become better people at the end of the day. You can’t keep doing the same thing all the time and expect a different result.
Stop comparing yourself to others, stop measuring your life with others. You don’t know what challenges they are battling with, you can only see the side they present. Niccolo Machiavelli said something along these lines, it is better to act as if you are good than actually be good because people only see what you show them but don’t know who you really are. Nobody has the right over your life, be who you are, love yourself, have self-worth and you will attract the right people. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”– Eleanor Roosevelt
Get rid of all the negative people in your life. There are some people you do not need. People full of hate, self-loathe, envy, bad habits and toxic thoughts. Having these negative people around you will make you sad and miserable. Someone said, “Equate negative people to mosquitoes and put some repellent on so they can’t suck the life out of you”.
Don’t seek for validation or acceptance from someone else. You should not live your life trying to be a certain way, so people can like you or accept you. Be yourself, love yourself and the right people will gravitate towards you.
Make sure to follow your dreams, don’t be scared to go for what you want. God’s purpose for you is different from someone else. If they don’t understand it, that’s because it’s your dream not there’s.

But above all, remember, always be grateful for what you have, millions pray every day to be just like you. No one has everything they want, they just learn to make the most of what they have.

Remember to be a blessing to yourself and to others. Don’t forget to make a difference.

Love you real good

She Heals @2019. Image by rawpixel.com on freepik

TURN AROUND .

July 11, 2020

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I sat on my bed crying , crying so hard my bed was shaking . I looked up to the heavens and asked God to help me, I was desperate , everything was crumbling around me. I had foolishly relied on my friends , my connections ,people who I knew or thought I knew but all had failed me.
I who had a thriving business, thriving “committee of friends ” or so I thought, I who rolled with the “happening crowd” . We hung out together, partied, had fun. I was living the life . All I had to do was click my fingers and someone was there , o how times change….

Where are they? Where did it all go ? In a flash all had disappeared , I couldn’t believe this was me, me who had no care in the world, could buy anything I wanted , me who gave money away as if I owned a bank , me who wore and drove the latest cars , o my , what am I going to do?

As I sat on my bed crying and asking God to help me , (I finally remembered to talk to God) I couldn’t find any of those so called friends , my bank account had dried up , I was looking at the last bit of change I had on me. No one to call anymore , no one to call me , it was amazing though, when I had lots Of money , friends and acquaintances gave me more money , now I couldn’t even boost of anyone giving me pennies .

I finally realised all was vanity. , all loved me because I “belonged ” now I don’t, they only cared about the superficial me not who I really was , so they too walked .
I listened to a message on telly , that asked that we commit everything to God in prayer before embarking on it and ask God’s for our purpose in life . I began to see the errors of my ways , I had thought I was in control , could do what I wanted and how I wanted, it worked for a short while , but collapsed right before my eyes.

Now am I’ve turned my life around, walking in God’s will, doing God’s purpose for my life, I wake up happy and go to bed filling fulfilled every night . Am doing better financially than I did before , God’s favour surrounds me everywhere I go and I rely on God for everything I do, instead of myself and the fake friends I used to rely on

This morning , no matter what you are going through , God Almighty will turn the situation around for good.

God is saying to you, according to Isaiah 41 verse 10-12, ” FEAR NOT FOR I AM WITH YOU, DO NOT BE DISMAYED FOR I AM GOD, YOU WILL BE STRENGTHENED BECAUSE I WILL HELP YOU, I WILL UPLIFT YOU WITH MY RIGHT HAND OF RIGHTEOUSNESS”

WITH GOD WE CAN ALL MAKE IT.

God bless you and have a blessed week

Good morning …..

ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY ANOREXIC ?

June 24, 2020

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Relationships are not simple. In fact, the closer your association with someone, the more complicated the relationship. In any relationship, one person’s needs and expectations intersect with the other person’s needs and expectations. Sometimes it is a smooth fit; but, other times it is a rocky ride. Intimate, romantic relationships often encompass a wide range of needs and Forming and maintaining loving, intimate relationships requires open communication, respect, giving of oneself, and tolerance. Successful relationships also include each partner helping the other achieve their needs, wants, and desires for themselves and as a couple. For example, a woman may want to finish her college education so that she can get a higher paying job which will enhance not only her self esteem, but the couple’s ability to purchase a home.

While women and men want to be loving and considerate helpmates to their significant others, one party may not feel that they are sufficiently recognised for their efforts because they receive little acknowledgement. This may cause them to believe that they haven’t done enough, and so they do even more. Such thoughts and behaviours can come at the cost of self deprivation of one’s own needs. If this continues, there may be a slow build-up of resentment and anger.

It’s important to recognise that to be loving and giving is healthy; but, to love and give at the cost of one’s psychological invisibility is clearly unhealthy. Anyone who submerges their needs to be valued, loved, appreciated, and complimented, and who suppresses their sense of being to the wants and desires of their partners, is going to risk “psychological starvation.” We call this emotional anorexia.

When you hit that that “dark zone,” your psychological nutrition is poor. Much of what you are consuming is what we label, “high fat” negative emotions; such as, anger, worry, anxiety, bitterness, and pessimism. Emotional anorexia means that you are living in emotional starvation mode. Just as irritability and anger happen when your blood glucose levels go down, when you don’t have enough “psychological sugar” your emotional “blood levels” also go down. You don’t have the good nutrients of joy, happiness, and excitement to keep you going.

Here are some signs that you are in emotional anorexia in an intimate relationship:

Sign 1: You try to avoid conflict by giving in to what the other person wants (again); you stop making demands (again); yet, you feel simmering resentfulness.

Sign 2: Soon, all you feel is deep irritation that results in an explosion of volcanic anger. Typically, this is over some small or even silly transgression by the other person, and usually occurs when you’re in a situation where you should be having fun (e.g., out to dinner or relaxing on the weekend).

Sign 3: Now you feel guilty; you feel like the “bad guy” because you can’t “just keep things fun and light” and “always” have to “ruin” a good time by bringing up the same old grievances.

Sign 4: You are caught in an emotional “catch-22.” If you speak up, you can’t control your emotions; and if you don’t, you find yourself boiling on the inside.

You have now become a “difficult person” who is “unpredictable” and “overreacts.”

What to do?

Begin by stepping back and taking an assessment of your psychological nutrition.
How many high fat negative emotions are you consuming in a day? How many positive low fat emotions?

Don’t swallow the high fat emotions–when it hits your “tongue” spit it out.
Begin to understand your emotional triggers.

Change the ratio of high fat to low fat emotions, so that you consume far greater low fat emotions in your psychological diet.

You may ask, why do we not focus on having the other party change their behavior and be more helpful? Because the desire to change oneself must be self-motivated. No one can “make” another person change. No amount of nagging, yelling, threatening, or simmering will change your partner if they don’t want to change. It doesn’t even matter if you are absolutely “right.” Therefore, if you are experiencing emotional anorexia, regardless of whether you brought this on yourself or others influenced you to “go down that emotional starvation road,” the process of change rests on you.

A Warning: if you don’t begin the process, just as emotional malnutrition destroys the physical body, emotional anorexia will destroy all of your relationships, and more importantly, poison your spirit.

The Pay-off: if you make the effort to consume more low fat positive emotions, slowly the light will begin to shine again in your life. Ironically, the very things you wanted–to be complimented, loved, and have your partner do good things for you–will start to happen.

A joyful person attracts joy. Really.

Good morning ………

Culled from an article by Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D.

KNOW THIS..

June 19, 2020

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There is this story of a poor woman, who called a Christian radio station asking for feeding assistance. A satanist listening decided to shame the woman into realising that good things don’t only come from God. He got her address, called his secretary and ordered for food to be taken to her. “And if she asks who sent the food, tell her it’s from the Devil!” The woman was so happy on receiving the food. secretary then asked: “Wouldn’t you want to know who sent you the food? “The woman answered, “No, my dear, it doesn’t matter. When God orders, even the devil obeys! Know this, God Almighty can do all things “May God order even your enemies to serve you today! In Jesus mighty name, Amen

Good morning …….