Tuesday, July 8, 2025
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CONSIDER THESE, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED

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“Mama, please don’t do this to me, I love him.” “I’m sorry, dear. You can’t get married. He’s AS, and you are AS. I already explained the likelihood of you having a child with SS (sickle cell) is 1 in 3. Please, my darling, didn’t you see what my sister went through? And at the end, Kanmi, her son died at the ripe age of 18.” “Please, my love, I can’t sit here and watch you go through that.”

“But, Mum, as you said, it’s a 1 in 3 chance. We might decide to have two.” “It doesn’t matter. My friend had a first, no problem, then had twins next, and both were SS. Can you imagine the agony for the kids and the heartache for the parents? Prevention is better than cure. You cannot marry that boy, and that is final.”

This was the conversation between a mother and daughter when the mother found out, through the family doctor, that her daughter and her intended were both genotype AS.

It’s amazing how many factors need to be considered before starting a relationship with someone. Before, I would say a meaningful relationship, but now it doesn’t matter if you intend to make it meaningful or not.

A widowed gentleman in his 60s once told me that he asked a woman over 50 out, and the first thing the woman brought out from her handbag was her negative HIV test result. She then asked him for his. “No romance without HIV negative result, LOL.”

It does make one laugh, but the truth is all these things matter these days, along with asking the questions:

Why am I getting married?

What are your plans for the future?

What are your expectations?

It must not be about looks because looks will fade.

It mustn’t be about material things because they can come or go anytime.

How many children do you want, or do you even want children?

Where are we going to settle down after you get married, which country, state, or area?

Are you going to ask your wife to stop work once you start having children?

Is either of your relations going to live with you?

If you practice different religions, which one are the children going to be introduced to?

And for the guys, see your future wife without makeup, body enhancers, and all. Very important. No surprises on the night of the wedding.

There are loads of other things to talk about. We will discuss that from tomorrow, like must your wife know how to cook, should you tell each other about ex-relationships, must his or her parents be wealthy, must he or she already be working? etc.

For now, do have a blessed day.

Ms Clueless, RETHINK

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Dearest Sister,

Why are you so blind to your excesses and your overbearing attitude, mind you, you weren’t like this before. What happened? When did you become this way?

I shudder to think of all you put your dear husband through.

A man of integrity, respected, loved, humble man of God

Because of your overbearing attitude, he has become a shadow of himself.

Losing his job hasn’t done much for his self-esteem either.

How can you be happy seeing the man you claim to love, sink so low.

Your husband, an amazing man, a good man. Who has always been there for you? Now he no longer gets your respect because he lost his job?

How can you have forgotten so soon?

Who was there for so long, catered to your every need, bought you those designer things you always wanted, gave you allowances for everything from makeup to clothes, even feeding your whole family.

Who always changed your car to a new one once you had driven it for a while, regardless of his siblings nagging, that he was wasting his money on you.

He turned a deaf ear when a family meeting was called to discuss, his excessive spending on you. even went as far as asking his family not to come around if they were not going to give you peace.

His mother, father, relations were not allowed to speak a bad word about you.

Do we mention what he did for your whole family?

He who got your parents’ house sorted and put all your sibling through school,

Sent money to your family every month without fail

Paid your brother’s medical bills, when he had to be flown abroad for treatment after he had a car crash and broke both arms and both legs

Took care of all your responsibilities, both home and abroad

Protected you from everything imaginable

You who never had to spend a dime of your money on anything

He opened a shop for you, paid for stocking it up every time stock ran low

Paid salaries for your shop staff, your driver, your house help, your cook, your washerwoman etc.

Built an amazing house, so you and the kids could be very comfortable

Sent you, the children and your house help, on vacations abroad 4 weeks of every year

Went to work 6 days a week, 18 hours a day, so he could put food on the table

Fasted and prayed once a week for God to protect you all

Took care of you and the children extraordinarily well, so that you lacked nothing

Was kind, caring and loving to you regardless of your, ‘I too know’ attitude’

Girl, come on, do you really think he deserves what you are doing to him, now that he’s lost his job

You talk down at him every opportunity you get

You complain he has no savings , when practically everything you wanted, you made sure you got, even if it meant you throwing a tantrum, you knew how to get him to do what you want, he never wanted to see you cry, so you used your tears as a weapon of blackmail to get your way all the time .

You now hand out money to him like he’s your house help or driver, querying his every request for money

Ask him to do chores at home before you get back from work

Decide which car he drives or doesn’t drive, mind you, he bought all the cars but you now service them, so you decide

Make fun of him in front of your friends, turned him into a laughing-stock

You go about telling your whole family, that you now give him money and take care of all the expenses in the house.

You refuse to cook for him anymore, cos you pretend you’re tired

Your sex life with him is almost nonexistent because it depends on your mood, he has no say. God knows you might be getting your groove on with someone else, are you?

You don’t come back home until the wee hours of the morning, cos you claim to be very busy at work

He’s no longer your best friend

You have made the kids lose respect for him, cos of the way you treat him In front of them

You override his decisions all the time, not minding the company around

You are now the ruler of your kingdom, the self-imposed head but you have forgotten one little detail.

Slow down sister, you are on the wrong path, You might say your bit, he might say his bit, but it all boils down to God’s bit, and God is always right.

So what does The Word of God Almighty say about a wife and a husband -?

Have you forgotten he is your crowning glory?

The one whom God gave you

The head of your family –

Rethink your new path Sister, go ask your husband for forgiveness, pray for him, and things will surely work out.

Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention, he’s downstairs now on the phone, the contract he applied for, last year to build 5000 houses, just got approved, hmm, what are you going to do now Sister ?…………

DESTINY – What will people say?

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AM SORRY MY LOVE .PART 2

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“Larry, my man , you are too slow , if I were in your shoes, by now I would have one babe somewhere taking care of me, your wife doesn’t care about you anymore” . His friend TJ was saying. Larry sat there listening , he knew Toke cared about him and the kids but he needed her attention , this, she wasn’t giving. They hardly had time to be intimate , making love had reduced to once a week if he was lucky and when it did, he had to do all the work . Where did all the passion go? . What TJ was suggesting, seemed like the logical solution but he believed there had to be a another way,. ” I hear you TJ, let me go think about it ” Larry said as he got up to leave. He had stopped by at TJ ‘s house on his way from the Pastor’s.

Toke sat on the bed, thinking of what Larry had said , ” am I really that bad, what’s wrong with the way I look,am still beautiful, I don’t smell , I work hard , look after the children, the home and Larry himself . He comes home to a hot meal everyday , what else does he want ? . Does this guy want to kill me ?” . She picked up her phone and called her best friend Bella, after she was done , she and Bella had fixed a time tomorrow to meet for lunch . Once she dropped the kids at school , she would go meet Bella. ” I need her advise ” she thought to her self.

Bella and Toke met in University , they shared a room throughout there stay. Bella had relocated to Singapore immediately after they graduated. Her fiancé had gotten a job there .A year ago when her father in law passed on , they had returned to the country to take over all the companies he left.

Lunch was at their favourite Italian restaurant , they always ordered the fettuccine Pasta and basil with Brie, it was delicious. Their taste for Italian food has started in university when they made friends with an Italian woman who lived on campus with her husband who was a lecturer . She would invite the girls over every weekend for cooking lessons and food sampling . By the time they graduated they were semi experts at cooking Italian food , the only snag was most of the ingredients were very expensive, especially the different cheeses, if you could find some .

Anyway, they settled down and as they ate Toke asked Bella ” do you think I have let myself go” Bella looked at her and said ” am sorry dear, the truth is , yes you have , you used to be so self-conscious , your hair , nails , clothes everything had to be in place , but now look at you, your hair is covered with a wrap , God knows the last time you had it done , your nails are chipped , please don’t let me go on. Toke what’s going on?” . Toke looked at herself up and down , she knew she could always count on Bella to tell the truth, ” I don’t know Bella ” she said . ” Larry and I have had serious quarrels over my appearance , he says I have let myself go, what do I do?” .

Bella could see the pain in her eyes, ” don’t worry, I will work with you on this , let’s start with getting your hair and nails done ” . They finished lunch , got into their cars and drove straight to Bella’s hair stylist.

Driving out of TJ’s house, Larry decided to go to the office, he called his secretary and asked her to wait for him there . It was a Saturday , the office was open for shadow staff. The heads of department didn’t have to come to work unless it was necessary . He just wasn’t ready to go home and face Bella in her usual face masked face , he felt like being with an attractive woman. Since he wasn’t ready to step out on his wife , at least he could be around his attractive staff.
The office was a bit quiet , most of the women had gone home , his secretary and a couple of models were still around . He asked her to call everyone Ito a meeting in his office, he also gave the messenger some money to go get refreshments . He was going to give an impromptu ‘thank you for a job well done party’ . The truth is he just need the attention. The drinks and food came , everyone gathered in his office. 5 women and 3 guys in total , Larry was the 3rd guy .
” Well ladies and gentlemen ” he said ” we just concluded an amazing campaign for our client and they were delighted , this small get together , is to say thank you to you all for your hard work , Bravo everyone ” . They all clapped and the party began . By the time they were done it was dark outside . Larry was happy , he drank, danced , laughed away all his sorrows . When he woke up the next morning he was laying on the sofa in his office, fully clothed…..

GOOD MORNING BELOVED

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Hello, how are you doing? It’s a blessing to wake up alive and well today. Today is a new day, a gift from God, and we should rejoice in it.

It’s easy to look for someone to blame when things go wrong in our lives. However, no matter the source of our pain or problem, we should remember that God has a purpose for it. He can turn any situation around for our good.

Difficulties and problems are not meant to break us but to build us up. They are an opportunity for growth and development. Think of them as a school, a teacher, an education, and a way to become the person God created us to be.

If you’re facing a challenge right now, don’t give up. Keep moving forward, fulfilling the purpose of your difficulty, and becoming stronger. Remember, it’s just a bump in your journey through life. You are destined for greatness, and this too shall pass.

As you step out today, may God’s favour meet you at every point of need. May you find favour with man and with God. Keep being a blessing and making a difference in the lives of others.

Remember, you are loved, and God has great plans for your life. Have a blessed day!

With love, She Heals

(For more inspiration, keep reading on  www.shereallyheals.com)

5 THINGS YOU MUST DISCUSS WITH YOUR CHILD ABOUT PORN

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Most Parents when discussing sex education, leave out a very important topic PORN. Its embarrassing for them to talk about or in some case don’t even realize its something they should talk about.

Unfortunately, too many teens today are getting their ideas about sex from porn—the worst kind of sex education a child can get. For most, porn starts with curiosity, but for many it doesn’t stop with a few explorations. More than 9 out of 10 boys and more than 6 out of 10 girls see porn before the age of 18, and 35% of boys say they have seen porn “more times that I can count.”

In the teen years, candid conversations about porn are a must. Yes, Internet filtering and monitoring should go without saying, but more than good technology, your teens need to hear godly advice from you about the subject of porn.

Now your child wants to watch a movie on the internet , a porn site pops up, wants to search for data for his or her  homework , a porn site pops up, one day he or she might just click it out of curiosity and that’s where it starts.

You must monitor regularly what your child looks at on their computer, ipad and phone, insist on no passwords, if they do have you must know what it is. There are ways to check what your children have been doing by going through the history.

Your family values are also very important , they  will determine a lot about how your child feels about sex and what he knows about it.

Have you spoken to them about abstinence, why sex is precious, when it should be done etc

 What I Mean by “Porn”

Let’s broaden the scope a bit. Porn exists on a continuum of media experiences. Sexual media is anything that consists of real or simulated sexual or sexually provocative acts, created to be displayed for others. This includes everything from the cleavage-showing on Facebook, to the Victoria’s Secret entrance at the mall, to the cover of Playboy, to the latest R-rated blockbuster sex scene to the hardcore website.

  1. Porn is bad because it cheapens what God calls good.

Each time you talk to your son or daughter, the undertone of your conversation should be positive. The “badness” of porn can only be explained when the goodness of sex is first celebrated.

“Sexual arousal feels good, and it should. It is how God designed us.” As a parent, we should say this to our teens that likely feel a great deal of shame or confusion about their sexual urges. Many passages in Scripture can serve as conversation openers about the goodness of the human body and sexual pleasure (Genesis 1:28; 2:24; Psalm 139:14; Proverbs 5:19; The Song of Solomon).

  1. Porn is selfish; real sex is giving.

When you fantasize about sex using pornography, you get to imagine that you are the star of the show. You get to imagine yourself being with the beautiful man/woman or being the attractive man/woman. You are the focus of their attention in the fantasy.

But God designed sex for both receiving and giving pleasure. You don’t want to train your mind to love solo-sex. We should be training our mind not to see the others as props to be used, but a people to be loved.

  1. Porn bonds you to an image; sex bonds you to a person.

You are physically and spiritually wired for intimacy. That’s why God made sex so pleasurable, because it bonds a man and woman together. But when we lust after pornography, we are bonding to those images, not to a person. This only takes away your enjoyment of sex in the future.

  1. Porn is abusive; marital sex is nourishing.

What you don’t see when you watch pornography is what it’s like when the camera stops recording. Often, men and women in porn don’t like the work they do. They have to take drugs and alcohol just to be able to have sex on screen. Many times the men and women were abused when they were young, and they continue to be used and abused in the industry. Watching pornography only gives incentive to those who abuse these people to keep doing it.

  1. Porn dishonors God; marital sex honors Him.

God has told us His will for us is to abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3). God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterers because He wants the marriage bed kept pure (Hebrews 13:4). As a young man/woman of faith, don’t dishonor Him with your body by filling your mind with images of sin.

Join the Conversation

We would love you to join the conversation, ask questions or give advice, What do you think? How should parents address the subject of pornography with their teens?

(Data from She heals and biblical counseling coalition.)

NEW BEGINNINGS- CONTENTMENT .

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Contentment, a state of happiness and satisfaction.
An amazing feeling most of us wish we had.  Have you noticed that no matter what we are or have we are hardly ever content with it? we are always searching for and thinking there is something better out there for us.
Most times we find it hard to appreciate what God has done in our lives. We fail to have a heart of gratitude. we still crave what somebody else has.
This brings me to my discussion today.
An English proverb says “The grass is not always greener on the other side”, we often see what we think is much better than what we have and wish we had it,
Here are a few examples of circumstances that we wish for, without knowing what’s actually going on in them –

WHAT’s SEEN- Miss A, sees her friend and hubby pull up in a car, the hubby jumps out in the rain to open the door for his wife.
MISS A’s wish- I wish my hubby could jump down like that and open the car door for me, even when it’s raining, they must truly be in love
TRUE PICTURE- The hubby had to get out in the heavy rain, get soaking wet, to open the door for his wife because the car was falling apart, the door handle was broken on the inside and they could not afford to fix it.

WHATS SEEN-MR B’s friend whom they both graduated 6 years ago, living big, a house in the choice area, cars, big building for business
Mr B’s wish-Lord please why can’t you do my own for me, am here struggling working 9 to 5, no car, no house
TRUE PICTURE-Mr B’s friend took a big loan from the bank, he’s been spending the bank’s money, a few months down the line the loan is called in and everything is repossessed. Mr B now rises to the position of manager and his friend, well let’s just say he’s actively searching for work.

WHATS SEEN-Ms C in her late 30’s runs into an old friend who is married with 3 children. she brags about how much money she has, a wonderful husband, so handsome and caring and concludes with the statement” Am the luckiest woman in the world”
Ms C’s wish- wow! am so unlucky, I even look better than her, her husband is so nice, why couldn’t I get a man like him, Lord please let me be so lucky. I want a man exactly like my friend’s husband
TRUE PICTURE- Ms c’s friend married a lazy good for nothing man, the house, school fees, his clothes and car are all paid for and maintained by her friend. he threatens to leave every day, the friend doesn’t want to be a single mother so holds on to the bum. never assume ask God for yours, not someones else’s

WHATS SEEN-Miss D, calls her friend to catch up, her friend informs her, hubby just bought her a ticket to travel around the world, first class.
MISS D’s wish- I wish I was like her, why can’t I be in her situation. My husband won’t even buy me a local ticket.
TRUE PICTURE- Hubby bought her a round the world ticket to honour her last wish, she had terminal cancer, with 3 more months to live on earth.

WHATS SEEN- Mr E, gets off the bus, walking down the road to his office, he looks back and see’s one of his old school friends whom they graduated together and hasn’t seen in a while, cruise by in the latest Mercedes Benz jeep.
MR E’s wish- whoa, look at him go, nice car, he must be very rich, I wish I was in his shoes.
TRUE PICTURE- the old friend is driving the Benz because he is on his way to pick up his boss, he is a driver.

WHATS SEEN-Mr and Mrs D, visit their close friends and sit through their friends bragging about how their 3 children are in private school, getting good grades, going to become doctors etc.
THEIR WISH – Mr and Mrs D, argue all the way home accusing each other of not doing this and that for their children like their friends, they get home, line up their 5 children, scold them for not coming 1st in class not behaving well like their friends, complain about everything, they go back to arguing why God didn’t give them children like their friends.
TRUE PICTURE- in the future their friend ’s, the first child grows up to be a selfish, entitled spoilt brat, who believes his father’s money settles all, the 2nd child drops out of school and moves abroad only the 3rd finishes school. On the other hand, Mr and Mrs D’s children all grow up well trained, educated, with good jobs and successful careers, children any parent will be proud of.

WHATS SEEN- Mrs E, visits friend’s house, her friend’s hubby is all smiles, gets drinks, goes to the kitchen to prepare the meal, hugs his wife every minute and plants kisses on her forehead.
Mrs E’s wish- O my gosh, I wish I was married to this guy, he’s so caring, my hubby never cooks for me.
TRUE PICTURE- her friend’s hubby had beaten his wife so badly the night before over her going through his phone and seeing and complaining about a love text on it, they had just returned from the hospital where she had been treated for a sprained neck and back, she won’t be able to walk properly for a while, the hubby was running around like a headless chicken, putting on a show to hide the truth. On the other hand, Mrs E’s hubby, provides for his wife, never talks down to her, treats her great but can’t cook, “hmmm”.

Things are not always what they seem, never judge a book by its cover, stop Comparing your life or situation to everybody else ’s, someone starts a job before you doesn’t mean they will be more successful. someone gets married before you or marries a rich man and you don’t, doesn’t mean you will die poor. being born into a poor family doesn’t mean nothing good will come to you. Remember God rains on All. God created you for a purpose, you are you, unique, unlike any other, appreciate what God has given you and make the best of it. If you do n’t, you might spend your life envying someone else’s while yours slips right by. If you are not grateful for little you will never be grateful for much. .God Almighty will continue to bless you real good.Good morning …..

#Be Inspired Podcast BY She Heals–Becoming You

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I love what Oscar Wilde said, “ Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Becoming you is being the authentic version of yourself and not the fake version of someone else. Everything about you becomes you, your thoughts, your life, and your passions are yours. The best way to love your self and be you is to understand and become who God made you to be. Your time on earth is limited don’t waste it living someone else’s life, Today, make the decision to take the next step to become you.

#Be Inspired Podcast by She Heals -That’s Life

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Life is about the choices you make and creating yourself. What’s your purpose? where are you going? what are you doing?. Are you sitting back and letting life pass you by? Do you always see disappointments as tragedy’s or blessings? Did you know that when one door closes another one opens, or do you spending too much time looking at the closed door that you don’t notice the other open doors?. There comes a time in life when you have to choose between taking the next step forward of staying put in the past. What are you going to do? remember, it is said that Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. So make the decision today, to step into your future, make the right choice, recreate your self and begin to live life and don’t let life live you.

CULTURE CHANGE

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SPECIAL MAIL-CULTURE CHANGE
Dear all,
Most of us have been following the recent events on social media, involving a Pastor and a member of his female congregation, the allegation of RAPE is being brandished around. Reading through various posts and comments, it literally breaks my heart to see the way people perceive a person’s right to speak out if he or she has been raped or manipulated emotionally into having sexual relations with someone she or he holds in high esteem. Am not taking sides with anyone, am just trying to highlight why children, grown women, and men (because Men get raped too), feel it’s in their best interest not to speak up about it.
A lot of the time, the victim is blamed.
A while back, I listened to a radio program in Lagos, where a young girl of 17 called into the program to say she had been raped several times by her sister’s 51 years old husband while living with them. More than 15 people called in to blame the girl. The worst was a woman who called and vehemently rained abuse on the girl, saying, in her own words “Useless girl, that’s how they wear skimpy clothes around the house, seducing one’s husband, then when he falls, they accuse him of rape, nonsense”.
I was mortified, how could they, no one blamed the man. He was supposed to be a father figure, a responsible adult, and married to her sister. But instead, choose to abuse his position of power and violate a little girl. That day I called in and said as much.
A lot of marriages today have issues with wives not liking sex because they have been abused as children and received no counselling, except, “Just keep quiet, and don’t disgrace the family”. These children grow up repressing the memory of the incident and it all comes out later in life. Once married, the husband feels the wife just doesn’t want to make love, the lady doesn’t understand why she doesn’t feel like making love, and sometimes the relationship breaks off. Oftentimes, partners find pleasure outside.
As for the Parents, most times they are unaware of what their children are doing. Several are being abused by trusted relations, help and even strangers. I have spoken to women, children( girls and boys) and men, who have been raped by Siblings, Fathers, family members staying with them, house helps and neighbours just to name a few. Some even find it difficult to hold down relationships once they have been defiled. A lady asked me why, once she makes love to a person once, she can no longer stand him. I asked if she had had any traumatic events in her life growing up, and she said yes, she was raped at 16. With God’s help and counselling, today she is happily married.
What we need is a culture change from blaming the victim instead of protecting the violator. A change from, The culture of believing that once you are old enough, no one can rape you, therefore it must have been consensual. A change from, The culture of, if a man is being accused of rape by a female, no matter the age, she must have been asking for it or seduced him. A change from The culture of, “He raped a child, oh dear, let’s not make too much noise, it will bring shame to the family” and so on. We need to change the culture NOW.
EDUCATION is the key. For a culture to change, we need education, and a change in our customs, values, attitudes, behaviour, lifestyle, and beliefs. A change in what we do and how we do it.
Educating children about being proud of who they are, teaching them to respect themselves and others, having self-worth, being content and having Godly values. With all this imbibed, I believe we can begin the long road to changing the culture for the next generation.
Let’s all contribute our quota to make this happen, remember change begins with You. What do You think? #CultureChange.
Love you all and God bless
She Heals 2019. www.shereallyheals.com. #Be Inspired podcast by She Heals.
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